Thursday, February 10, 2011

Unexpected Inspiration

I recently changed the title of this blog to Learning to Suffer. This has become an idea I’ve slowly become obsessed with over the years. It started as a Dybo-Induced mantra to help me finish races but has been transforming and manifesting itself into all areas of my life for awhile now. So I found it fitting to name my blog after this.

Learning to suffer…at first glance, it sounds a little morbid, maybe even sadistic, perhaps even depressing. However, I find it quite the contrary. Suffering is part of life. It’s inescapable, we will all inevitably suffer at one point in our life, indeed some more than others. The new title isn’t intended to dwell on the word “suffering” but rather the word “learning”.

What does it truly mean to “Learn to Suffer”? It’s a notion that most likely takes on a different form and meaning for each individual. I suppose this is an idea that is an ongoing process as well. Within myself, I’ve developed a clearer understanding of what this means more and more over the years.

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.”-Horace

The effects of adversity can take a person one of two directions. It can affect you positively or it can effect you negatively. One thing is for certain, under the terms of true adversity, you are never unaffected. After I went through the initial emotional struggles of losing my brother I distinctly remember an instance in which I took an introspective glimpse and conversed with myself. I determined that I can either let this affect me in a positive way or a negative way, but for certain, the choice was mine. After all, we are a product of our choices, not our circumstances. To me, this is the essence of my idea of “learning” to suffer. Again, suffering comes with life's price of admission, it’s unavoidable. How we accept and deal with it is something that takes learning through practice.

Yesterday I went to visit one of my students in the hospital. This was a student whom I never got off to the right start with. Last year, he did his best to make our lives very challenging while in my classroom. Without getting into specifics, this student was not dealt the best hand in life. Several factors had lead to a steady stream of suffering for him. All in all, he had some good reason to be angry. On top of everything, recently he was involved in an accident at his work that will affect his range of physical ability for the rest of his life.

Sometimes we can find inspiration in unexpected places. I hadn’t gone to visit this student with the idea that it would be a reciprocally beneficial interaction; I simply wanted to show my support and concern. To my surprise he had done quite a bit of maturing since I had last sat down with him a year or so ago. Despite some insurmountable odds, this individual is learning to suffer. As I sat and spoke with him he began to open up more and more and share some of the thoughts that were going through his head. We talked about the frustrating nature of the permanency of how one single unexpected moment in time can change your entire course in an instant. Without, much hesitation or debate, I started to open up to him about losing my brother, which is something I had not previously ever done with any students of mine. I accompanied this with the idea of “Learning to Suffer” and how you have two choices of how you will allow this to affect you. He was very receptive and really listened intently.

Last year, in a moment of anger, this same student had firmly exclaimed to me, “what the hell to you care about me, you only do this job for the F-ing paycheck”. At the time, I simply let it roll off of me. In my line of work, teaching students with emotional impairments, verbal abuse simply comes with the territory and you quickly become immune to it. However, he brought his statement up again yesterday. I was very surprised, as I really didn’t even think he remembered what he had said. He explained that he now understood why the staff at my school willingly walk through the school doors each day. Furthermore, he was even insightful enough to tell me that he understands that I am smart enough to get a higher paying job in another vocational field, but that I must really actually care about what I do. There are always intermittent moments in a teacher’s career which reinforce your occupational choice; this was one of them.

Time seemed to have slipped away from me, as what was planned to be a 30 minute visit quickly turned into a 2 hour one. Without realizing, I had sacrificed my rationed time for my pre-planned evening training session. However, while the physical training aspect of racing is in no doubt the first and foremost most integral one, sometimes the mental preparation is equally important. Mental race fuel can go a long way to enhance your fitness through added perseverance.

I was not the one in the hospital. I was not the one who had been dealt the terrible hand. I was the one who was going to give support for someone in need. Ironically, and much to my surprise I found strength and inspiration from this individual. He had commented to me, “Mr. Finkel, I know you take a lot of pride in your bike riding and racing, I have never met anyone who takes bike riding so seriously...and I bet you think about your brother when you pedal that bike, I bet you want to try and do your best and win to make him proud…I think that’s pretty cool”. He was right, but he may not have realized that I probably will now draw strength from his own perseverance as well. As I left, he was actually lecturing me to make sure I keep my head up high and stay positive.

I left the hospital with the content feeling that this visit was more beneficial for me than any trainer interval workout would have been that evening. Sometimes the lessons of suffering are the most valuable, and sometimes they come from some of the most unexpected places. I am grateful for this experience.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Homage Manifesto

First post of 2011…where have I been? It seems that for years, this blog has served as a platform for all of my cycling induced ramblings. However, recently I’ve found myself less apt to want to voice my thoughts and rather focus on minimizing outside distraction in an effort to maximize my efforts towards this summer’s task at hand. So I apologize for my lack of posts these days. This year’s task does not only include putting together my race season but also getting married as well as procuring a four legged new addition to my family.

Truth is I haven’t had much to say lately that you all haven’t heard from me already. You can only write so many race reports, submissions on perseverance, and insights into the larger, metaphorical significance of cycling before it all seems to sound like recycled redundancy and you lose interest. I also am not quite sure people even read blogs anymore. I’m beginning to assume that if my thoughts are not limited to 140 characters, than they will not be absorbed by my peers.

I have never used this blog as a venue to vent my emotions about the happenings of my immediate cycling culture and scene. Well, I did write a bit of a manifesto on April 14th, 2008 that even the MI Scene felt compelled to repost but other than that, I’ve kept my outlook and attitude positive. This is all to say until now. It seems that hearsay and grumblings amongst the more virgin layer of the Metro-Detroit race culture has left me with a very bad taste in my mouth that I can’t seem to get out.

What caused this bad taste? I’m speaking about the recent doings of the generation of “the grass is greener on the other side” racers. I’m speaking directly to those riders who don’t ask what they can do to be a part of the team they are on but rather what is the team going to do for me? I’m speaking directly to those who display and air of entitlement and think that just because they’ve finished a few races, maybe even wound up in the money a couple times, that the sport owes them something more than what they are already getting. I’m talking about those who make lateral team leaps to solve their lack of race results rather than putting their heads together with their comrades to develop a cohesive plan of how to improve collectively. And I’m specifically speaking to those who have no hesitation to forget to acknowledge those responsible for first taking them to a race, teaching them how to ride a pace line, how to corner, what interval training is all about, how to have fun with the sport, and sometimes simply how to put your rear wheel on properly. There is no need to name names; if you need to hear this, you will.

Perhaps this disgust may be exacerbated by the fact that I’ve been watching The Soprano’s all season on the trainer, but nonetheless there are principles here. Aside from the immoral behavior, gratuitous murders, and sociopathic tendencies of The Soprano’s, there are some ethical life lessons to be learned. Hierarchy is an idea that helps keep order, respect, and hard work an integral component of a culture. It combats entitlement and helps to create an environment of multidirectional respect amongst its members. Respect is given by what has been shown, and true success comes from goals and aspirations that are reinforced by those around you. In a sense cycling has always been a brotherhood for me. And with that name “brotherhood” accompanies very serious connotations, much like words like love or hate. You better truly mean it if you say it.

Lets all be honest with ourselves, the glory that is received from racing success is indeed a romanticized one. Only about 0.5% of bike racers throughout the world really even make enough money to make an actual career out of it. However, every season thousands of amateur racers line up seeking something they have not yet mentally attained. So we must do it for other motives. Hopefully these motives extend beyond discounted product. While these motives could easily be filibustered upon for pages I think we can narrow them down to two things:
1. To gain respect of your peers and a name for yourself you can be proud of.
2. To experience the personal intrinsic satisfaction that cannot be bought but rather only attained through hard work and dedication.

Now I’m not speaking directly to those who may have made team transitions due to a relocation of residence or specifically those who have moved up in the rankings to a team that can bring them to the next step like bigger and better races and venues. However, I may be speaking about you if you are one who failed to look back at those who helped pave the path to that next step. Frankie Andreu always took the time throughout all the phases of his career to thank Michigan cycling and specifically the Wolverine Sports Club for helping him get to where he was. I’m speaking most directly to the riders who make lateral team moves without first discussing with their current team and with the notion that because their current team may not have to offer exactly what they personally want, they’re bailing rather than trying to play their part in improving the “whole”.

If we are to look at racing as being part of a brotherhood, then perhaps shouldn’t we try and mend problems rather than just leaving them? If you have a problem with a family member, do you simply leave and go join another one? Mutualism is a fundamental aspect of our behavior as mammals.

You may agree with my idea or not, and that’s ok. I value different sets of opinions. I simply feel that this idea boils down to foundational ethics and manners that human beings deserve to give each other.

I may simply just be old school at heart, but I still think cycling is a team sport. However, I see an increase each season in new riders that don’t want to be part of a team but simply want to keep their own personal best interests as first priority. I always wonder why these types of riders don’t just race solo with a jersey that simply says “ME” as the title sponsor.

In a culture that seems to become cheaper and more and more disposable everyday, let’s try and keep our sport honorable and valuable. Appreciate that you belong to something that was here before you, would still be here without you, and WILL be here after you are long gone. Respect your fellow riders no matter what level they may be at. And most importantly, honor your team by displaying basic forms of courtesy and respect.

Thank you, and my closet is now clean. Rebuttals are welcome privately or publically, but do me the favor of not doing it anonymously. See you all at the line.