Georgia was not on my mind this year. That familiar feeling had been replaced with confusion and grief. As spring break neared, I simply had no motivation or desire to plan a training camp down south. I hadn’t been home for Easter in 6 years. However, this year was different. I needed to be with my family. I wanted to hold them close to me and not let go. Miles and training can always be found in the well-traveled, mundane landscape my legs are used to. My heart was not down south this year, it was found broken and in need of mending.
I decided that if I was going to stay home I needed to set some goals that according to my last post, would be concerted efforts to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m finding that it is hard to keep a monumental cycling goal in sharp focus when you a struggling to find simple solace in hard days, as well as be supportive to all the others around me that are suffering as well.
Nonetheless, I came up with the following goals:
1. Get something to help keep my brother close to my heart at all times.
2. Ride as much as I can while training smart.
3. Take my nephew Andrew rock climbing for his birthday.
4. Spring clean my house and mind.
5. Ride my bike to my parent’s house in Port Hope.
6. While in Port Hope, create something that will remember and honor my brother while engaging my family in a therapeutic collaborative effort.
Here’s the run down of my goal attainment:
1. Tattoo. Goal Attained.
Pleasure and pain. I can now confidently say I own what is in my opinion the most valuable piece of artwork. 24 hours day I can find strength and soar like wings of eagles. For those of you twitter addicts speculating what my big announcement was to my mother that I was nervous about...this was it.
2. Goal Attained. Just under 40 hours of training/racing over break.
3. Goal Attained.
On Wednesday Angela and I took one excited little boy to Planet Rock in Pontiac. He did great!
4. Goal Attained.
My house is now sparkly clean, passports have been applied for, flights have been booked, and my race agenda is a little more solidified now.
5. Goal Failed. Well, if you refer to goal 2 (train smart) than arguably yes, Goal Attained.
While I have been able to hammer this 137 mile ride out no problem in the past I seemed to develop a bit of an IT band flare up late Thursday night after 90 miles of riding for the day. Despite the clear stop sign from my legs, my mind decided to attempt the ride anyway. After 100 miles of riding, a discouraging headwind and a throbbing knee necessitated me to call in the mini-van arsenal Finkel sag wagon for a rescue. Although it nearly killed me to do it, ultimately I think I made the right decision.
6. Goal Attained and Exceeded.
What activity can a grieving family do to ease the pain? Engage in the therapeutic activity of rolling up your sleeves, getting a little muddy, and building some single-track mountain bike trails.
We called the loop the Don Finkel Eagle Wing Memorial Loop. Although our trail was only about an 8th of a mile long it packed in some challenging tight turns, two log crossings, and a rock garden.
Throughout my cycling tenure I’d like to think I’ve done some pretty cool things and created some really rich memories that I will carry with me the rest of my life. Undoubtedly this experience ranks as one of my top. There was no prize money, no illustrious sea of the finest equipment on the market, we weren’t in the most conducive environment for mountain biking, and we severely lacked the most optimal tools for trail building. However, what we did have was the child-like will to create something amazing that we can call our own and dedicate to someone whom we all loved with all of our being; someone who had influenced us positively throughout his entire life and continues to even after.
The day was beautiful. The sun was shining, the dirt was not too wet or dry, and we all realized that although we are hurting, we were making something special happen that meant so much more to us than simply making a trail to ride our bikes on.
I can vividly recall one very gratifying instant when we had just finished the trail and the boys and I were riding it to work it in while the rest of the family was sitting in the sun at the trail head. My oldest nephew who is suffering the loss of losing his father exclaimed with genuine innocent enthusiasm, “This trail is AWESOME! This is all really working out really great, I love this trail”.
My brother always told his kids to savor and value every second, because you can never go back to this moment. I’ll always cherish every second of this day and I have a feeling that the rest of my family will to.
I look forward to building more sections of the Eagle Wing Loop in the months and years to come.
So although it wasn’t the 6-Gap century, there was no Brasstown Bald climb, I wasn’t able to enjoy beers in some obscure German town in the middle of North Georgia, I was able to feel something and accomplish something that I have never been able to in the years past.
It had been 6 years. Was it worth it?...I savored every second of it.
