How to apply first aid to a car door induced cut to the eye without stitches.

1. Access the area in need of attention. In this case, it is Finkelstein’s left eye (not to be mistaken with the fallen member of TLC. RIP)

2. Apply a cold compress to stop bleeding.

3. Drive to the conveniently open 24 hours land of thrifty acres. Select a paint-on skin adhesive to glue yourself back together again. Whaaalahh…good as new.

4. Pray for a scare to develop because everyone knows chicks dig em and guys will know you’re tough.

Baptism by Submersion!

In an effort to commit to making next season the best season ever, this past Saturday I embarked on a dirt road ride to undiscovered land, lead by none other than the Simonster.

The invite read: Come join me for a post-season weight management ride this Saturday.

My thoughts: I could shed a few this time of year; this will be an enjoyable stroll through some unknown northern dirt roads with my good buddy Michael.

What I learned: The Simonster is not human. He does not feel pain. As the Russian said in Rocky 4, “He is a machine”.

The hills never stopped as we got further and further away from our origination. At about mile 60 of 75 my legs just stopped and told me to knock off the non-sense.

All in all it was a good ride and a great wake-up call that I am definitely out of form right now. I have four months to get myself fit for next year. I think if I keep sucking the wheel of Mike, I have nowhere to go but up.