Sometimes when we look into the future for so long we fail to embrace the present. This is an extremely potent danger that is at stake when we allow our dreams and aspirations to define us over a prolonged period of time. John Coyle, fellow teammate of mine, best describes this idea here.
I’m finding it hard to live without the dream. Last season I put my entire soul into one event, which ultimately resulted in greatness. This season, I attempted the same with different results. However, the feelings I had post-events are turning out to be very similar. When your entire focus for a year funnels down to one moment in time it is extremely mentally difficult to move on once this time has come and gone, regardless of the result. It’s an indescribable feeling one can only be familiar with if you have lived through it. Again, I always have to remind myself I choose all of this; none of it was a product of any uncontrollable circumstances.
When I wake up in the morning, I have plenty to do these days to keep me busy, but I am left aimlessly wandering. I still hop on my bike everyday, but my intentions are foggy and unclear. I am simply riding because that’s what I know to do. When I roll out the door, I certainly don’t know what direction I’m heading in because I’ve temporarily lost the ability to focus on the present rather than the future. It’s a habitual thing that has been intensely acquired over a two-year period.
A good friend of mine Scott, who now resides in Austin, TX sent me a pretty enlightening message two days after Worlds this year, which aided in my ability to see the present clearly. Scott, being a former Nationally Elite level swimmer truly understands what sacrifice means as he describes in letter below.
Thanks again Scott!
Tim,
You have officially become an athlete.
Contrary to what most people believe, an athlete is not a person who was blessed with certain DNA.
An athlete takes his approach to his competition with a life and death seriousness.
An athlete puts every single item that enters his body in one category : Fuel. Nothing more, nothing less. The thought of "that might taste good" is irrelevant to him. Only how much this will build and or fuel his machine.
An athlete puts his rest and recovery first, knowing that tomorrow's daily test will require every bit of strength he thinks he has, and some he didn't know he had.
An athlete brings himself to the brink of exhaustion on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Riding with the ghost of him from last year nipping at his heels, wanting to take him down. But he has made gains from the past. The pain, the recovery, the lifestyle has given him a physical and mental edge. The ghosts of years past cannot hold this pace, this intensity is too much. There is a deep sense of satisfaction knowing just how hard it was to be able to ride away from last years ghost. It is not arrogance, but a sense that you have arrived, and are now proud of yourself from the depths of your character.
This changes an athlete. Some for good, some for bad. An athlete will go toe to toe with anyone. They may win, they may lose, but one thing is certain: if wants a piece of him, they are going to get the whole nine yards and will have to earn it.
An athlete does his job every single day, day after day. Tired, sore, sick, injured. There is a job to be done, and he will be damned if anything dares to get in his way. The creature comforts and excuses that most enjoy are viewed as a weakness. This spartan lifestyle has become just that : his lifestyle.
As the pain mounts and most start to fade, an athlete has a sick sense of enjoyment. This is where he lives, and most don't like this neighborhood. He is comfortable, when the pain starts, he wants more. Not because he is narcissistic, but he knows this is where others are in pain, and if they hurt now, the next level they will crack. When a worthy adversary can rise to the occasion and truly challenge him, he has mixed emotions of admiration, fear and anger. He asks himself "Does this guy have any idea much I will suffer to win?" He has seen adversaries with better tools repeatedly become casualties of his private war.
It is this process that you have dedicated yourself to over a long period of time that has changed you. You will never be the same.
Most will try to relate to your quest. But only those who have been in your shoes for years at a time will ever come close to relating. Most don't realize just how mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting it his to finely tune the human body into everything it is capable of. The daily grind alone will decimate almost anyone's spirit after a period of weeks, a few can maintain it for months. Only those who have a singular focus can handle it for years.
You left no stone unturned. You have reached a level of dedication that is nothing short of impressive. Many take this journey for various reasons, but the goal is the same. An athlete truly wanted to see what he is made out of, what makes him tick, how much he could endure, what looks back at him in the abyss.
You have answered those questions, and that is why you are an athlete.
-Scott
