How to apply first aid to a car door induced cut to the eye without stitches.

1. Access the area in need of attention. In this case, it is Finkelstein’s left eye (not to be mistaken with the fallen member of TLC. RIP)

2. Apply a cold compress to stop bleeding.

3. Drive to the conveniently open 24 hours land of thrifty acres. Select a paint-on skin adhesive to glue yourself back together again. Whaaalahh…good as new.

4. Pray for a scare to develop because everyone knows chicks dig em and guys will know you’re tough.