Unexpected Inspiration

I recently changed the title of this blog to Learning to Suffer. This has become an idea I’ve slowly become obsessed with over the years. It started as a Dybo-Induced mantra to help me finish races but has been transforming and manifesting itself into all areas of my life for awhile now. So I found it fitting to name my blog after this.

Learning to suffer…at first glance, it sounds a little morbid, maybe even sadistic, perhaps even depressing. However, I find it quite the contrary. Suffering is part of life. It’s inescapable, we will all inevitably suffer at one point in our life, indeed some more than others. The new title isn’t intended to dwell on the word “suffering” but rather the word “learning”.

What does it truly mean to “Learn to Suffer”? It’s a notion that most likely takes on a different form and meaning for each individual. I suppose this is an idea that is an ongoing process as well. Within myself, I’ve developed a clearer understanding of what this means more and more over the years.

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.”-Horace

The effects of adversity can take a person one of two directions. It can affect you positively or it can effect you negatively. One thing is for certain, under the terms of true adversity, you are never unaffected. After I went through the initial emotional struggles of losing my brother I distinctly remember an instance in which I took an introspective glimpse and conversed with myself. I determined that I can either let this affect me in a positive way or a negative way, but for certain, the choice was mine. After all, we are a product of our choices, not our circumstances. To me, this is the essence of my idea of “learning” to suffer. Again, suffering comes with life's price of admission, it’s unavoidable. How we accept and deal with it is something that takes learning through practice.

Yesterday I went to visit one of my students in the hospital. This was a student whom I never got off to the right start with. Last year, he did his best to make our lives very challenging while in my classroom. Without getting into specifics, this student was not dealt the best hand in life. Several factors had lead to a steady stream of suffering for him. All in all, he had some good reason to be angry. On top of everything, recently he was involved in an accident at his work that will affect his range of physical ability for the rest of his life.

Sometimes we can find inspiration in unexpected places. I hadn’t gone to visit this student with the idea that it would be a reciprocally beneficial interaction; I simply wanted to show my support and concern. To my surprise he had done quite a bit of maturing since I had last sat down with him a year or so ago. Despite some insurmountable odds, this individual is learning to suffer. As I sat and spoke with him he began to open up more and more and share some of the thoughts that were going through his head. We talked about the frustrating nature of the permanency of how one single unexpected moment in time can change your entire course in an instant. Without, much hesitation or debate, I started to open up to him about losing my brother, which is something I had not previously ever done with any students of mine. I accompanied this with the idea of “Learning to Suffer” and how you have two choices of how you will allow this to affect you. He was very receptive and really listened intently.

Last year, in a moment of anger, this same student had firmly exclaimed to me, “what the hell to you care about me, you only do this job for the F-ing paycheck”. At the time, I simply let it roll off of me. In my line of work, teaching students with emotional impairments, verbal abuse simply comes with the territory and you quickly become immune to it. However, he brought his statement up again yesterday. I was very surprised, as I really didn’t even think he remembered what he had said. He explained that he now understood why the staff at my school willingly walk through the school doors each day. Furthermore, he was even insightful enough to tell me that he understands that I am smart enough to get a higher paying job in another vocational field, but that I must really actually care about what I do. There are always intermittent moments in a teacher’s career which reinforce your occupational choice; this was one of them.

Time seemed to have slipped away from me, as what was planned to be a 30 minute visit quickly turned into a 2 hour one. Without realizing, I had sacrificed my rationed time for my pre-planned evening training session. However, while the physical training aspect of racing is in no doubt the first and foremost most integral one, sometimes the mental preparation is equally important. Mental race fuel can go a long way to enhance your fitness through added perseverance.

I was not the one in the hospital. I was not the one who had been dealt the terrible hand. I was the one who was going to give support for someone in need. Ironically, and much to my surprise I found strength and inspiration from this individual. He had commented to me, “Mr. Finkel, I know you take a lot of pride in your bike riding and racing, I have never met anyone who takes bike riding so seriously...and I bet you think about your brother when you pedal that bike, I bet you want to try and do your best and win to make him proud…I think that’s pretty cool”. He was right, but he may not have realized that I probably will now draw strength from his own perseverance as well. As I left, he was actually lecturing me to make sure I keep my head up high and stay positive.

I left the hospital with the content feeling that this visit was more beneficial for me than any trainer interval workout would have been that evening. Sometimes the lessons of suffering are the most valuable, and sometimes they come from some of the most unexpected places. I am grateful for this experience.